So today this guy accidentally hit me with the door when he was walking out of a classroom and instead of saying sorry he just looked me over and said ‘pretty cute’ and walked away . And then I realized . I literally just got hit on . The pun is greater than the pain .
I guess you could say that he adores you
get the fuck out
i’m so sorry kids the easter bunny didn’t hide any eggs today because he smoked weed and now he’s dead. let that be a lesson to you
What if it bites me and it dies?
that means you’re poisonous. jesus christ, nate, learn to read.
What if it bites itself and I die?
What if it bites me and someone else dies?
That’s correlation, not causation.
what if we bite each other and neither of us die
oh my god
Things Pixar Movie’s Have Taught Us.
More facts on Ultrafacts
>gettin hot and heavy w/ a girl
>she then tells me to talk dirty
>tell her that 10% of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions are stored in dirt
>she’s still turned on and now she knows a little more about mother earth
>copulate and educate
Me in junior high: We have calculators for a reason…
Math teacher: Do you really think someday you’ll carry around a calculator everywhere?
Math teacher: Exactly.
*10 years later everyone has phones with calculators*
Me: I win.